@August 23rd, 2010 at 12:17AM PST. We're official.
I've been through too much. We've been through too much. Everything happens for a reason right? So all the tears, confusion, and frustration were worth it in the end? I mean, after all this time and after reading about the emotions I went through because of this kid, here we are. August 14th was definitely the turning point. It's crazy how things work out. It's crazy how feelings change. It's crazy how everything seems to be falling into place.
Finally.
I'm happy. I'm genuinely happy. Wow, it's been a while since I've been able to say that. :)<3
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Remember2smile
Lately I've been emotionally confused. I'm just trying to sort out all of my feelings, with hopes to...make sense of life as it is now. With all that has happened, it has left me emotionally distressed and I just really want to get it all figured out before I dive into any future endeavors.
It's a lot of work but I get the feeling I'm going to be okay. I just need to remember to step back, take a breath, and smile.
Today was a good day. I'm always in good company when my mains are around. Had a lot of laughs and good moments. They're really good at distracting me, I love them for that.
I found my smile. It was right under my nose, I just forgot it was there.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Chill pill.
Taking a break from social networking (in other words, Tumblr and Facebook). I figured it was time to pause and take a step back to enjoy what's already around me. I realized that this is my last summer home before leaving for college and I don't want to waste it in front of a computer screen absorbed in social drama. It's time to take a chill pill and relax instead of obsessing over pixels on a screen.
I have a lot planned for this summer and I'm excited to get it rolling. Today, I set up a home theater in my room with the help of a white tablecloth, push pins and Stephen's projector. It's so boss! Super chillax, just how I like it.
Tomorrow I'm going to SF with Andy and Court. Time to do some shoppinggg! (: I lalalove SF; I'm going to miss it so much when I leave. I'm sure LA (much less Riverside) doesn't even surmount to how amazing San Francisco is. Apparently the air here is cleaner too. o-O
On Tuesday, Jen, Court, Andy and I are going to Six Flags. Man I haven't been there in forever and I'm super stoked to venture like a mofo. Parental-free day + fat roller coasters + season passes + nothing but time and of course, FUNNEL CAKE! Ahh I can't wait. This week is going to be great. (:
Not sure what I'm doing Wednesday and Thursday but I'm pretty sure I'm either going to be out and about or chillin at home watching bootleg movies on my ghettoly brilliant home theater. HAHA. Friday I'm going to the Rites of Passage rehearsal then a bonfire at Ocean Beach...that should be interesting to say the very least.
Hopefully Manny schedules a fingerprinting appointment with me soon so I can figure out all the details for when I start work. I'm praying to Buddha that it doesn't conflict with my plans otherwise I'll be utterly upset.
Anywhoo, my hiatus is doing great things for me. I cleaned my room, cooked breakfast out of scratch, cleaned the house and did my laundry all in two days. I'm thoroughly impressed with myself haha.
My birthday's in 2 weeks. I'm going to be legal...SCORE! This summer's starting off on a good note, I'm anxious to see how the rest of it goes. (:
Oh, and I currently have 2386 PTZ on Lockerz. HELLO MACBOOK PRO, YOU WILL BE MINE! (;
'Tis all.
P.S. HI ANYTHONG PHAMACY! I was surprised when I saw your comment on my post. It's good to know you still use blogger. (: I'VE MISSED YOU!!!!<3
I have a lot planned for this summer and I'm excited to get it rolling. Today, I set up a home theater in my room with the help of a white tablecloth, push pins and Stephen's projector. It's so boss! Super chillax, just how I like it.
Tomorrow I'm going to SF with Andy and Court. Time to do some shoppinggg! (: I lalalove SF; I'm going to miss it so much when I leave. I'm sure LA (much less Riverside) doesn't even surmount to how amazing San Francisco is. Apparently the air here is cleaner too. o-O
On Tuesday, Jen, Court, Andy and I are going to Six Flags. Man I haven't been there in forever and I'm super stoked to venture like a mofo. Parental-free day + fat roller coasters + season passes + nothing but time and of course, FUNNEL CAKE! Ahh I can't wait. This week is going to be great. (:
Not sure what I'm doing Wednesday and Thursday but I'm pretty sure I'm either going to be out and about or chillin at home watching bootleg movies on my ghettoly brilliant home theater. HAHA. Friday I'm going to the Rites of Passage rehearsal then a bonfire at Ocean Beach...that should be interesting to say the very least.
Hopefully Manny schedules a fingerprinting appointment with me soon so I can figure out all the details for when I start work. I'm praying to Buddha that it doesn't conflict with my plans otherwise I'll be utterly upset.
Anywhoo, my hiatus is doing great things for me. I cleaned my room, cooked breakfast out of scratch, cleaned the house and did my laundry all in two days. I'm thoroughly impressed with myself haha.
My birthday's in 2 weeks. I'm going to be legal...SCORE! This summer's starting off on a good note, I'm anxious to see how the rest of it goes. (:
Oh, and I currently have 2386 PTZ on Lockerz. HELLO MACBOOK PRO, YOU WILL BE MINE! (;
'Tis all.
P.S. HI ANYTHONG PHAMACY! I was surprised when I saw your comment on my post. It's good to know you still use blogger. (: I'VE MISSED YOU!!!!<3
Friday, June 18, 2010
Memory.
Is it really that hard for me to forget the past? Because no matter how hard I seem to try, it doesn't work. Those feelings associated with these moments bare the emotional vulnerability I once felt. He had that effect on me.
It's amazing how in a matter of months, I fell so hard for someone I never thought I'd fall for. And in the end, I got my heart broken. It's an endless cycle. A cycle that won't leave me alone. Why did I fall so hard for this kid? Wait no, I know exactly why. The real question is why can't I fully let him go? I've moved on but for some reason there's still a small part of me that's shaken when I see anything that reminds me of him or when people mention his name. It's frustrating because I keep thinking about him. These memories keep flooding back--good and bad. UGH. I must stop this. I have to rise above this, show him that it's not affecting me because it sure as hell seems like he's not phased by this one bit. Mothereff. Why are you so good at suppressing your emotions?! asdjfa;sjd; You and your damn perfected mask. I can't show weakness otherwise that means I lose and being the stubborn person that I am, I hate losing. It's pathetic. Whoever cares more loses right? Well I'm going to bring the score to a tie. I want nothing more than to free myself from everything you once were to me. If there's one thing you taught me, it's how to be apathetic. Time to put my gameface on.
Man I can't wait until college.
It's amazing how in a matter of months, I fell so hard for someone I never thought I'd fall for. And in the end, I got my heart broken. It's an endless cycle. A cycle that won't leave me alone. Why did I fall so hard for this kid? Wait no, I know exactly why. The real question is why can't I fully let him go? I've moved on but for some reason there's still a small part of me that's shaken when I see anything that reminds me of him or when people mention his name. It's frustrating because I keep thinking about him. These memories keep flooding back--good and bad. UGH. I must stop this. I have to rise above this, show him that it's not affecting me because it sure as hell seems like he's not phased by this one bit. Mothereff. Why are you so good at suppressing your emotions?! asdjfa;sjd; You and your damn perfected mask. I can't show weakness otherwise that means I lose and being the stubborn person that I am, I hate losing. It's pathetic. Whoever cares more loses right? Well I'm going to bring the score to a tie. I want nothing more than to free myself from everything you once were to me. If there's one thing you taught me, it's how to be apathetic. Time to put my gameface on.
Man I can't wait until college.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Tumblr vs. Blogger
It's been a little less than 11 months since I last wrote in this. Amazing how fast time flies hm? My day by day accounts have been documented on my Tumblr where my train of thought lies.
Here, I feel more...serious. As though what I say is a combined effort of my heart and mind and my thoughts and feelings are replicated through thoughtful words. Tumblr has become a popularity game. There is a part of me that second guesses myself before I click the "create post" button. I choose my words too carefully, in fear that others will criticize my rambling and brutally banter me to no end. (Ugh, Formspring. -_-')
I have returned to Blogger in hopes to reconnect with my old self, the old me who let the words flow through her fingers and feared no one. I feel like this is a place where I can write to my heart's content without anyone caring or judging me...much less, reading it. Heh. I read back upon my previous posts here and was amazed at what power my words embodied. But then again, that was a different me, a different time. Where has that person gone?
With that being said, I have come to a conclusion that I will use Tumblr as a rambling outlet and revive my Blogger back to a state where it acts as a home for my more serious and mindful meanderings about life. Indeed. I shall update with a more cohesive and interesting post soon enough.
Yay for perpetuations. (:
You. Are. Awesome.
Here, I feel more...serious. As though what I say is a combined effort of my heart and mind and my thoughts and feelings are replicated through thoughtful words. Tumblr has become a popularity game. There is a part of me that second guesses myself before I click the "create post" button. I choose my words too carefully, in fear that others will criticize my rambling and brutally banter me to no end. (Ugh, Formspring. -_-')
I have returned to Blogger in hopes to reconnect with my old self, the old me who let the words flow through her fingers and feared no one. I feel like this is a place where I can write to my heart's content without anyone caring or judging me...much less, reading it. Heh. I read back upon my previous posts here and was amazed at what power my words embodied. But then again, that was a different me, a different time. Where has that person gone?
With that being said, I have come to a conclusion that I will use Tumblr as a rambling outlet and revive my Blogger back to a state where it acts as a home for my more serious and mindful meanderings about life. Indeed. I shall update with a more cohesive and interesting post soon enough.
Yay for perpetuations. (:
You. Are. Awesome.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
LOL.
Who even reads blogger anymore? :o
IF YOU DO, COMMENT. I'm curious. :]
Anyways, I'm on Tumblr now :]
kickbhuttninja.tumblr.com
I might come back everysooften to ramble on about my ridiculous life.
IF YOU DO, COMMENT. I'm curious. :]
Anyways, I'm on Tumblr now :]
kickbhuttninja.tumblr.com
I might come back everysooften to ramble on about my ridiculous life.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Recap: EPIC WEEKENDS
Okay so since I failed to post about my adventure last weekend, I decided to combine my two super epic weekends all into one post ^^
So last weekend Court, my parents, and I went down to LA for the Hollywood Bowl.
I think we left the house around 2AMish, so we didn't get there til like, 9-10AMish.
[PT.1 - in the car, on the way]
[PT.2 - @ San Antonio Winery]
We made a stop at the San Antonio Winery because apparently their wine's really good and it was the reason why my parents were willing to drive us all the way to LA--to buy some good wine >_> haha. But whatever, the man that helped us was nice, he gave Court and I a bottle of like, sparkling peach juice. It was fancy ;o haha ^^
Then after that, we went to go search for our hotel. Once we found it, we realized we couldn't check in til 2PM and it was like, 10AMish and my parents were hungry so we hung out at this one plaza at the corner of the street our hotel was on.
[PT.2.99 - Beverly Center randomness]
Soon after, Ben and Wonga met us at the corner plaza :D Funny meeting. But since Weenee was running late, we had to wait. Unfortunately, many of SoCal friends couldn't make it so we ended up just hanging out with Ben, Wonga and Weenee :D First, we went to the Beverley Center. Apparently nothing went as planned and we kind of just ran around doing nothing while people gave us weird looks :]
[PT.3 - "cat and mouse"]
So yeah, we pretty much did nothing but walk around because we didn't have time to watch a movie. And Weenee kept running away so we had to go look for him -.- lameoh d; Lalala and I attempted to steal Ben's domo hat (IFREAKINWANTIT D:) buttttt he ran after and caught me T_T Lol Wonga filmed it.
After that, we cruised around Ktown. And because Court and I hadn't eaten yet, we went out for lunch. We found this random Korean restaraunt and ate there. Lol lunch was interesting xD PORNO MANIA FTW! LOLOL.
We drove around Ktown for a bit then after that, we went to Chinatown. Chinatown was...amusing. POPWATCHUMACALLITS PWN :] haha. We had fun with those. But yeah, we kinda just walked around and chilled. Ben bought me boba :D
[PT.4 - ]
After Ctown, we didn't have enough time to go to the Santa Monica Pier like we planned/hoped so we ended up going to the park because that's how the cool kids roll ;D xD
The park was definitely memorable. Lalala it was chill. We enjoyed the whole "releashing your inner kid" ordeal x]
After that, we had to go back because the HB was supposed to start at 6:30PM however, I ended up not going because I gave my mom my ticket for Mother's Day. She loves SS501 and I know how badly she wanted to see Hyunjoon in person so I was feeling nice and gave her my ticket so she took my place and went with Court. Which left me 4 hours to do absolutely nothing at the hotel. Haha, bonding time with dad much? lol but after a while, I got bored and chilled by the pool by myself. Then I ventured around the hotel and there was this creepy guy following me so I freaked out and ran back to my room lol. Then I took a nap but yeah. It was chill and good rest after a long and hot day.
But yeah, despite the failed plans, it was still a lot of fun :] I definitely won't forget that day xD
ANDANDAND then the weekend after was the EPIK HIGH CONCERT IN SF! :D
Met up with Lauren Friday night and we went to SF together. We friggin had to walk up super steep hills but whatever, once we got there it was like Asian heaven xD The place was flocked with Asian people :3
Uhmmm but we didn't get shirts D: There was a friggin mob around the table and there was this big white guy yelling at everyone haha. So we found our seats WHICH WERE SUPER DUPER CLOSE TO THE STAGE :O --Section 1, Row 3 ;D It was lovely.
The concert lineup went as follows: Far East Movement, Kero One, then Epik High 8D
Far East Movement was realllly upbeat and fun. THEY THREW A PAIR OF SEXY SHOES TO THE CROWD. UGGGH WE WERE SO CLOSE, FRIGGIN COURT SHOULDA RAN AND ATTACKED THE GUY WHO CAUGHT THEM D: They were super sexy shoes ;_; And they also threw like, two shirts but we didn't get them D: But chyeah. Dammit Lauren and I were supposed to rape the guy with the purple backpack and sexy purple shoes ;__; ...we forgot. lol
Kero One was chill. Kinda boring at first but it was okay. Took them a while to set up their stuff due to technical difficulties but I think everyone was kinda bleh during his perf because we were all anticipating Epik High x] HAHA, there was this random weird lady on the stage with Kero One and she like, danced awkwardly in the background. We had fun watching her awkwardness. xD
THENTHENTHEN EPIK HIGH CAME ON!!!!!! First they put DJ Tukutz and the beatboxing man out to get us pumped. Then Tablo, Mithra, and MYK came on. IT WAS AMAZINGGGG. THEY'RE AMAZINGGGGG. TABLO'S SO SEXY IN PERSON<3 He spit water on Lauren and I, TWICE ;D I was so happy. LOL. Omg they were sooo nice and humble and cute and such dorks. TABLO IS SO SEXY IN PERSON! AHH I STILL CAN'T GET OVER THAT. We were SOOO close to them too @__@ Ahhhhh. I want his beanie x_x
At one point, the whole crowd ran up to the stage so there was a mosh pit surrounding the WHOLE stage. We couldn't get to the front so Lauren and I ended up standing on the armrests of our seats xD Which put us straight in front, and higher than everyone else. So close, I could almost reach Tablo if he stretched his arm out far enough. HE SMILED AT ME @_@ MITHRA DID TOO :D AND THE BEATBOX MAN :D AND MYK! Wahhh<3
The concert was just alltogether fun. OH, and at one point Jommi came over to say hi xD He's so short bahah :]
So then after the concert, Court and I spent the night over at Lauren's house. GOODTIMES x]
We talked about a lot of stuff and had some interesting phone calls with other people. HAHA, I LOVE LAUREN'S MAN VOICE. We screamed so much at the concert, we practically lost our voices. I managed to preserve mine but Lauren's was practically gone so she sounded like a pedo old man when she talked because of the huskiness xD<3 Mhmm, that night was funfunfun ^^
Then the next day, Saturday, Lauren's parents dropped us off at my house and then Jommi and Steeb came over. Then we went to Emeryville to watch Star Trek ^^ Mm, oh we went to Cold Stones before the movie ^-^ BUT ZOMG STAR TREK IS SO GOOD. I DEMAND YOU TO WATCH IT, NAO. :D Thennn after that we chilled at Barnes and Nobles til Lauren and I had to go.
Two great weekends. I'm happy. (:
So last weekend Court, my parents, and I went down to LA for the Hollywood Bowl.
I think we left the house around 2AMish, so we didn't get there til like, 9-10AMish.
[PT.1 - in the car, on the way]
[PT.2 - @ San Antonio Winery]
We made a stop at the San Antonio Winery because apparently their wine's really good and it was the reason why my parents were willing to drive us all the way to LA--to buy some good wine >_> haha. But whatever, the man that helped us was nice, he gave Court and I a bottle of like, sparkling peach juice. It was fancy ;o haha ^^
Then after that, we went to go search for our hotel. Once we found it, we realized we couldn't check in til 2PM and it was like, 10AMish and my parents were hungry so we hung out at this one plaza at the corner of the street our hotel was on.
[PT.2.99 - Beverly Center randomness]
Soon after, Ben and Wonga met us at the corner plaza :D Funny meeting. But since Weenee was running late, we had to wait. Unfortunately, many of SoCal friends couldn't make it so we ended up just hanging out with Ben, Wonga and Weenee :D First, we went to the Beverley Center. Apparently nothing went as planned and we kind of just ran around doing nothing while people gave us weird looks :]
[PT.3 - "cat and mouse"]
So yeah, we pretty much did nothing but walk around because we didn't have time to watch a movie. And Weenee kept running away so we had to go look for him -.- lameoh d; Lalala and I attempted to steal Ben's domo hat (IFREAKINWANTIT D:) buttttt he ran after and caught me T_T Lol Wonga filmed it.
After that, we cruised around Ktown. And because Court and I hadn't eaten yet, we went out for lunch. We found this random Korean restaraunt and ate there. Lol lunch was interesting xD PORNO MANIA FTW! LOLOL.
We drove around Ktown for a bit then after that, we went to Chinatown. Chinatown was...amusing. POPWATCHUMACALLITS PWN :] haha. We had fun with those. But yeah, we kinda just walked around and chilled. Ben bought me boba :D
[PT.4 - ]
After Ctown, we didn't have enough time to go to the Santa Monica Pier like we planned/hoped so we ended up going to the park because that's how the cool kids roll ;D xD
The park was definitely memorable. Lalala it was chill. We enjoyed the whole "releashing your inner kid" ordeal x]
After that, we had to go back because the HB was supposed to start at 6:30PM however, I ended up not going because I gave my mom my ticket for Mother's Day. She loves SS501 and I know how badly she wanted to see Hyunjoon in person so I was feeling nice and gave her my ticket so she took my place and went with Court. Which left me 4 hours to do absolutely nothing at the hotel. Haha, bonding time with dad much? lol but after a while, I got bored and chilled by the pool by myself. Then I ventured around the hotel and there was this creepy guy following me so I freaked out and ran back to my room lol. Then I took a nap but yeah. It was chill and good rest after a long and hot day.
But yeah, despite the failed plans, it was still a lot of fun :] I definitely won't forget that day xD
ANDANDAND then the weekend after was the EPIK HIGH CONCERT IN SF! :D
Met up with Lauren Friday night and we went to SF together. We friggin had to walk up super steep hills but whatever, once we got there it was like Asian heaven xD The place was flocked with Asian people :3
Uhmmm but we didn't get shirts D: There was a friggin mob around the table and there was this big white guy yelling at everyone haha. So we found our seats WHICH WERE SUPER DUPER CLOSE TO THE STAGE :O --Section 1, Row 3 ;D It was lovely.
The concert lineup went as follows: Far East Movement, Kero One, then Epik High 8D
Far East Movement was realllly upbeat and fun. THEY THREW A PAIR OF SEXY SHOES TO THE CROWD. UGGGH WE WERE SO CLOSE, FRIGGIN COURT SHOULDA RAN AND ATTACKED THE GUY WHO CAUGHT THEM D: They were super sexy shoes ;_; And they also threw like, two shirts but we didn't get them D: But chyeah. Dammit Lauren and I were supposed to rape the guy with the purple backpack and sexy purple shoes ;__; ...we forgot. lol
Kero One was chill. Kinda boring at first but it was okay. Took them a while to set up their stuff due to technical difficulties but I think everyone was kinda bleh during his perf because we were all anticipating Epik High x] HAHA, there was this random weird lady on the stage with Kero One and she like, danced awkwardly in the background. We had fun watching her awkwardness. xD
THENTHENTHEN EPIK HIGH CAME ON!!!!!! First they put DJ Tukutz and the beatboxing man out to get us pumped. Then Tablo, Mithra, and MYK came on. IT WAS AMAZINGGGG. THEY'RE AMAZINGGGGG. TABLO'S SO SEXY IN PERSON<3 He spit water on Lauren and I, TWICE ;D I was so happy. LOL. Omg they were sooo nice and humble and cute and such dorks. TABLO IS SO SEXY IN PERSON! AHH I STILL CAN'T GET OVER THAT. We were SOOO close to them too @__@ Ahhhhh. I want his beanie x_x
At one point, the whole crowd ran up to the stage so there was a mosh pit surrounding the WHOLE stage. We couldn't get to the front so Lauren and I ended up standing on the armrests of our seats xD Which put us straight in front, and higher than everyone else. So close, I could almost reach Tablo if he stretched his arm out far enough. HE SMILED AT ME @_@ MITHRA DID TOO :D AND THE BEATBOX MAN :D AND MYK! Wahhh<3
The concert was just alltogether fun. OH, and at one point Jommi came over to say hi xD He's so short bahah :]
So then after the concert, Court and I spent the night over at Lauren's house. GOODTIMES x]
We talked about a lot of stuff and had some interesting phone calls with other people. HAHA, I LOVE LAUREN'S MAN VOICE. We screamed so much at the concert, we practically lost our voices. I managed to preserve mine but Lauren's was practically gone so she sounded like a pedo old man when she talked because of the huskiness xD<3 Mhmm, that night was funfunfun ^^
Then the next day, Saturday, Lauren's parents dropped us off at my house and then Jommi and Steeb came over. Then we went to Emeryville to watch Star Trek ^^ Mm, oh we went to Cold Stones before the movie ^-^ BUT ZOMG STAR TREK IS SO GOOD. I DEMAND YOU TO WATCH IT, NAO. :D Thennn after that we chilled at Barnes and Nobles til Lauren and I had to go.
Two great weekends. I'm happy. (:
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