I told myself I wouldn't cry.

My heart aches.
...and my eyes burn.




You’re not mine, so why am I scared as hell to lose you?




I have a lot to think about.
Time to reevaluate what I want.

We do da byebye.

Off to L.A I go~

Look forward to a huge long update on Sunday ^^

:D

Strawberries and Watermelons

Yesterday...my lamp broke.
I like, tripped over the cord when I was getting ready for school and it fell and the lampshade ripped off upon impact with my floor. D: Pooooo and I really liked that lamp too ;_;
Oh, and Happy belated 16th, Courtney! I was too lazy to post yesterday so there. lol

MY HEART'S BURNING...of love. No jk, but it really it is really burning...of pain. D: LITERAL PAIN. I ran too hard today and almost passed out ><' And now my legs are shaking like crazy and I can feel a burning sensation from my throat to my lungs. My inhaler did nothing for me. I was so close to an asthma attack, it was horrible. On the bright side, no practice tomorrow ^^ I want to go shopping. Shopping yesterday was unsuccessful for me. T_T I want to buy something pretty before Saturday D: Though I get the feeling I'm going to do a lot of shopping Saturday and Sunday anyways d; BEN AND WEENEE OWE ME BOBA (Weenee owes me sushi too >] muaha!) :D I'm looking forward to that.



Uh, yeah. That's about it for today.

Here's a random video of my cousins and I at the park last Sunday haha.




...everytime I try to walk away, there's always something that reminds me I should stay.

The good, the bad, the happy, the sad.

5 days later. Lol.

So last Thursday, we had a track meet. We totally pwned in the 4x100 relay :]

That's my relay team, they're amazing<3 (Left to right: Lauren, Jenna, Kennedy, ME :D)
I run the first leg, pass it to Jenna, she hands it off to Kennedy, and Lauren anchors or in other words, finishes. 52.3 seconds, so far, we placed 4th in the county :] YAYY!
As for individual races, I got 6th out of 16 girls in the 100m dash. Eh, I did okay. Not great though but I could care less because TRACK SEASON'S OFFICIALLY OVER NEXT THURSDAY. YESSSSS! 8D I'm so ready for this season to end. I'm like, dying. And I think I'm going to quit next year...not sure yet ;o

ANYWAYS, to make up for the days I missed, I'm just going to briefly describe my days:

Friday was uneventful. Slept at 9PM (ZOMGMIRACLE!) because I had SATs the next morning. Toro's a butthead because he was asleep when I called! d;

Saturday was the SAT @ El Cerrito High. 4 hours of poo. It sucked. I died.
Taking the SAT II Subject tests on June 6th. @__@ Then the SAT Reasoning again in October. FML. But I saw a lot of people I haven't seen since middle school so that was nice ^^

Sunday was Court's birthday party (though her birthday's not til tomorrow).
It was fun hanging out with the fambam--haven't done that in a while ;o
Friggin Andy ditched us but you know, it's cool. It's not like we wanted to hang out with you after no seeing you at a family event for months anyways d;. So you know, it's whatever. (YOULAMEHOE! d<) But yeah, Court's a rich butt-itch now. She got so much stuff and money T__T I'm jealous. I wish I still had my money from my 16th ;_; TAKE ME SHOPPING FOO :D

Monday, it rained the whole day and my darn coach still made us go to practice. We ran out in the rain for a good hour. I was soaked all over. -__-' MY RUNNING SHOES ARE SOILED NOW, HOW GROSS >__<>_> Now my ankles hurt. Uhm, but yeah, Monday was tiring. I feel asleep on cam ;o SORRY BEN! Oh, and AILOAN'S AN NWT BECAUSE I SAID SO :D

Tuesday--TODAY. I'm stuck at school til 9PM tonight because of the damn AP US History test on Friday. I don't get home til 9PM. And I can't even go home in between T__T Gah. Funfun ne?

So yeah, right now...my brain feels like it's going to explode. Weeeeeeee. Emotionally, I'm drained and utterly clueless as to what's going on anymore. But let's not go there. I'm giving it time but keep in mind that waiting was something I was never good at. Physically, I'm exhausted. Kind of achey and sore in random areas from my ankles to my hamstrings. Uhoh.
Lalalalalalalalala. Man, I haven't been very happy lately. o_O That's unfortunate. I'm sure things will look up soon. They better >O But I guess I'll just have to suck it up and stick it out for a little while longer.

YAY FOR THIS WEEKEND, AND NEXT WEEKEND! I'M EXCITED ^^


I've been addicted to this song lately: Knock You Down by Keri Hilson feat. Neyo and Kanye West. But in this video, the cover is sung by Rin on the Rox. THEY'RE AMAZING :] Grrr, darn you vocally gifted YouTube singers *shakes fist*

Enjoy! :]



...I've built a wall. Not to block anyone out, but to see who loves me enough to climb over it.

I miss you.

End of story.

Oh how dandy.

I liked today. :]

My friend Zoe made me an "independent woman mix" last night as a little pickmeup present due to her understanding of my recent chain of unfortunate mishaps. I thought it was adorable xD
Lol, she demanded that I listen to it whenever I'm feeling lethargic. So far, so good :]
Sweet gestures make my day<3

But mhmmm. Even though I'm running on 3 hours of sleep, my day was pretty dandy ^^
I had so much to do but it was good that I kept busy. I needed to focus and get things done anyways. Slacking off isn't good and I've been doing a little too much of that lately.
OH OH, AMAZING NEWS.
Court scored some really good seats for the May 15th Epik High concert @SF for her, Lauren and me :D
We got Section 1, Row 3 tickets which is basically http://i41.tinypic.com/29dckgi.png <--this close. ;o 8D SO LEGIT. Tablo will be looking straight at us :O :O :O YESSS. I'm super duper excited! And we're planning on spending the night over at Lauren's after ^__^
Something closer: Hollywood Bowl '09! Two more weeks yo. I'm supersuperduperer excited for that. Er well, not the HB itself but moreso the hang out before. XD That's kind of sad actually. LOL. Anyways, it's on MAY 9TH so if you live in SoCal/will be in the LA area that day, come hang out with us :D I don't know who all is coming just yet but talk to me about it if you want to come :]

I...was going to write more but I'm tired now.
My brain simply doesn't want to work anymore. So I'm just going to stop here for my post for today. I'll continue tomorrow.

I'm happy though, things seem to be looking up :]
I shall sleep peacefully tonight.
KAY, I DO DA SLEEPING NAO. GNIGHT.<3




...I miss your smile.

Renewed beginnings.

Renewed beginnings.

It's been nearly 5 months since I've last written here. ;o So I've decided to revive my blog. Why? Because I need somewhere to vent, rant, spazz, say whatever I want without giving a damn...without having to bring my problems to people because I know it's really irritating having to listen to my problems ^^; And also because simply, I feel like it. d; Lol.

Okay, I've been stressed. Like, really really stressed. And it's bothering me. D:
And due to this stress, I’ve been going through a bipolar phase ._.'
So apparently when things don’t go the way I want them to, I get "butthurt". T_T
And this was pointed out to me recently, lol. I mean, I know I tend to overreact when I don't get my way but I didn't realize it was potentially my biggest flaw. But then again, I have heaps of flaws. Hah, would you like to hear a few? I'm the type of person who thinks too much. When I have time, my mind just goes WHOOSH. I'm a daydreamer, a thinker, an observer, an analyzer. I contemplate everything and every aspect of my life, no matter how small. I jump to conclusions way too fast but I don't state them without a reason. I'm not good at being direct and I'm extremely bothersome when I'm stressed.
So why am I stressed? Lol, good question.
Aside form the normal school assignments like tests, essays, and all that jazz, Junior year is starting to suck major monkeyass. Juniors, you should know what I mean. With SATs, APs, finals, and college apps on their way, I’m freaking out like a motherfoo. On top of that, there's the whole family-friends-school-and sports balancing act I'm trying to maintain. And life shizz. And oh, relationships all-around aren't too hot lately either. I'm fcked. FMLFMLFML. T_T

Anyways, so my moods have been amplified as well. Like, I can switch from being the happiest person in the world to the most sadistic and masochistic person ever. >< But I'm completely sure this is just a temporary phase. I just can't wait til school's over. Maybe then I'll be able to think straight. Lalalala. Oh wells, JUST ONE AND A HALF MONTHS TO GO. Then I'll be A-OK. :]


But it's not all suffering, I'm trying to find time to have fun somewhere in the process;
Haaaa, check out my calendar for the next month or so:
May 2 - SATs + Fine Arts @ Branson, then Adams hang out + preparations for Court's bday party
May 3 - Court's bday party
May 6 - Court's 16th.
May 8 - APUSH test T-T
May 9 - SoCal hangout + Hollywood Bowl :D
May 10 - Mother's day in Oroville? ._.
May 13 - AP English Lit. test T-T
May 15 - Epic High concert in SF :D
May 16 - MCAL Trials for track -_-
June 5 - Last day of classes!...which means major finals studying.
June 6 - SAT II + Linda's wedding *-*
June 8 - 11 - FINALS.
June 12 - Graduation

And that's only the preplanned and finalized-to-date stuff. That's not even taking into consideration my week by week/day by day assignments and whatnot.
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, I have the Adams reunion, Court's party, SoCal hangout + HB, and Epik High concert to look forward to ^__^
So yeah, that's all for the revival of my blog for today. IF YOU'RE MY FRIEND AND YOU'R READING THIS AND YOU HAVE A BLOGSPOT TOO, LET'S FOLLOW EACH OTHER :D
...I feel lonely ._.' xD


AND AND AND, cute songs make me smile. ^^ Like this one!
She's amazing, isn't she?
Nessa Rica - Muffin Man (Original) :3

I mean, do you mind turning the heat down low
is where we do our thing, a little more than a fling
some kind of romance we're entangled in
I think I'm stuck in a sticky situation
How bout you, be my muffin man?



...I'm on the line of giving up or never letting go.